IT CAME TODAY. I WILL LEARN. BYE.
PS: So much to learrrrrn! Music notes and playing styles and how to play the chords. AAAAH. Fun though :)
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Tumblr
I started a tumblr account today. Forunately all my main thinking and main blogs will go here! And all my picked out stuff from here will go on tumblr so really...it's getting my leftovers haha. HORRIBLE. Anyways I've been worknig on a poem based on my thoughts over my recent little mini spat-out with Ashley. It's really not aimed towards her but really the words and feelings having to do with words. :] enjoy soon when I post probably tomorrow! Ish.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Untitled [yet. ROUGH DRAFT]
Just a rough draft of a poem. Stuff I made based on a little feud thing yesterday.
I made a mistake today.
I sneezed.
I let the germs slip out the tip of my-
No.
I let LOOSE a monster within that I've been trying so hard to hold in.
A small little monster born in the depths of my mind out of reflex,
Somewhere between the frontal lobes and the cerebral cortex.
A malevolent, poisonous bundle of fluctuating EMOTION-Cells;
growing into a fatal form doing harm to all that come in contact.
With a bulk supply of resistance-enforced genes it leans towards being in the 99th percentile of most deadly viruses;
After being born it moves quickly about
trying to find a way out
It scorches throughout my body starting from the blood in my cheeks
down to my central arteries heating up my whole body.
But this is not the worst symptom; No far from it.
See
It rustles on the HATE-Cells that have nestled in my muscles
finding nutrients helping it's ability to reproduce
It's most fatal once it reaches my vocal chords
growing into a horde
for at first it is held back by the rough antibodies in my body
called RESTRAINT.
But if they are not strong enough; not made out of the right stuff
then the monster bursts out my mouth like a golden snitch straight out of a Harry Potter novel and harming the first person it comes in contact with pleasingly
AND I WISH...I paid more attention to my mother who always said to cover my mouth when sneezing.
And as it enters another host it does what any other virus does:
Transcribes and transcodes boring out more of itself out of your frontal lobe.
The process starts anew; and soon you're sneezing on me as much as I am on you.
It's a disgusting exchange of hundreds of germs.
But see these germs I've been describing aren't really germs that infect but rather words that hurt.
Try to stay alert...
For in germs and in hurtful words we are never courteous.
Words I ususally held back with the bite of my tongue
Words too harsh that come straight from my mind
Tired of being pushed instead of let in.
I'm tired of pushing instead of reavealing what's within when
I know that all we are doing is wielding a power.
Perhaps it's because of the fluctuat
I made a mistake today.
I sneezed.
I let the germs slip out the tip of my-
No.
I let LOOSE a monster within that I've been trying so hard to hold in.
A small little monster born in the depths of my mind out of reflex,
Somewhere between the frontal lobes and the cerebral cortex.
A malevolent, poisonous bundle of fluctuating EMOTION-Cells;
growing into a fatal form doing harm to all that come in contact.
With a bulk supply of resistance-enforced genes it leans towards being in the 99th percentile of most deadly viruses;
After being born it moves quickly about
trying to find a way out
It scorches throughout my body starting from the blood in my cheeks
down to my central arteries heating up my whole body.
But this is not the worst symptom; No far from it.
See
It rustles on the HATE-Cells that have nestled in my muscles
finding nutrients helping it's ability to reproduce
It's most fatal once it reaches my vocal chords
growing into a horde
for at first it is held back by the rough antibodies in my body
called RESTRAINT.
But if they are not strong enough; not made out of the right stuff
then the monster bursts out my mouth like a golden snitch straight out of a Harry Potter novel and harming the first person it comes in contact with pleasingly
AND I WISH...I paid more attention to my mother who always said to cover my mouth when sneezing.
And as it enters another host it does what any other virus does:
Transcribes and transcodes boring out more of itself out of your frontal lobe.
The process starts anew; and soon you're sneezing on me as much as I am on you.
It's a disgusting exchange of hundreds of germs.
But see these germs I've been describing aren't really germs that infect but rather words that hurt.
Try to stay alert...
For in germs and in hurtful words we are never courteous.
Words I ususally held back with the bite of my tongue
Words too harsh that come straight from my mind
Tired of being pushed instead of let in.
I'm tired of pushing instead of reavealing what's within when
I know that all we are doing is wielding a power.
Perhaps it's because of the fluctuat
Grr.
Today I got into yet another mini-feud with Ashley. Oh one of our many many feuds. I can expect that I won't talk to her for a little while after today. I dunno. It may be with how this year started or it may be just because I'm tired of acting so...bitchy. I think in the past I've always been the first to say somethign to Ashley or to apologize just to end trivial affairs. I'm sick of it. Or maybe I'm sick of her. I can't say that a long break from her wouldn't be healthy. Blah. So angry. I'll talk about it sometime. Maybe. GRR.
It gets me fucking riled up though. Blah. What the heck is wrong with me? Usually I at leasat try to be understanding. Blah. -___-''
It gets me fucking riled up though. Blah. What the heck is wrong with me? Usually I at leasat try to be understanding. Blah. -___-''
Staff kids
So today after work I went to see Jennifer, Agustin, and Julian, and JUSTIN! at Lloyd center today. I half-hated it and half-liked it. I hated it because Lloyd center is SO FAR AWAY AND I HATE THE PARKING AND ROAR! This actually ties in with my last blog since it was on these horrible rides to and from that I talked to Phu haha.
Anyways It's come to my attention that my generation of staff kids appear to be the last generation of staff kids. Lawl. We're only the second generation. According to Jennifer the (what I consider at least) 4th generation shouldn't really call each other "fam" because they're all so fake to each other. Which is ridiculous. My generation seems to be more bonded just because we just all grew up with each other. It's kinda sad considering that only means staff kids die off at 2nd generation. My sister and her group I consider to be 3rd generation but they've always kinda been a side group of my generation it seems. And if we die they die. I've kinda hated the idea of adding peopel to our staff kids group. Not that we're major elitists or anything but it's just that the bond is there for a reason. Prevents trivial drama. When Kim came in I remember so much crap starting which I thought in general was stupid. I mean me and Phu have fought in the past but usually it goes away super quckly. With Kim it was like weeks of grudges and rumors and whispers. It was just...stupid. With everyone we've always been direct with each other. If I wanted to ask Stephen something I'd just ask him. I wouldn't go around sneaking around.
The 2nd generation of staff kids I consider to be the following people:
Julian Phan
Stephen Phan
Alan Phan
Phu/Linda Nguyen
Lisa Tran
Daniel Nguyen
**Michelle Nguyen (young but she's been in it since the beginning)
**Jennifer Ha (Also young; hasn't been in since the beginning BUT SHOULD HAVE BEEN)
Catalina Vu
*Vivi Vu (Good link to 3rd gen)
Me
Those with Asterisks (*) I consider to be 2nd generation by default but 3rd due to age and how they carry on to the 3rd generation. Those with (**)I think are links to 2nd,3rd, and 4th generation staff kids.
3rd generation I consider to be the following:
Thao Phan
Christine Nguyen
Vivi Vu
Michelle Nguyen
Jennifer Ha
Mary Ann
Brian
Gracie
Daniel (gracie's brother)
Half of these people will grow up to be the older of the 4th generation. I'm probably using generation wrong in this sense...lol but probably because I'm thinking of people intermingling.
By fourth generation it's just so dilluted. None of them are really sons or ddaughters of staff members. Most of them consist of friends of 3rd gen people. I mean should I consider them staff kids then? There ARE sprinkles of staff kids... =/
In a sense I think that it dies off with the 2nd generation. The third gen seems to be closely linked where if we leave they'll leave too. In the sense of how staff kids are at least. Oy. It's probably best this way though. I consider first generation to be my brother and Michal Tu and his sister and Christina. Idk who else...uhh the twin's older brother. OH Cindy. I can't remember anyone else though; too young.
I guess this makes me sad because I kinda wish I could TA or do something to help out the school. Darn work. Grr. Maybe third term I should come in and take 4day classes so I work Fridays and Saturdays and viet school on sundays! :D
Idk. All of this seems so troubling. I owe viet school a loooot! At least for helping me in meeting people. I still remember 4th grade and meeting Phu that year. And I remmeber throwing chalk at her haha. I also remember later on with the slapping incident haha. Anyways yeah. Those are my thoughts. This may just be part one... or not. TIME TO SLEEP. NIGHT. :)
Anyways It's come to my attention that my generation of staff kids appear to be the last generation of staff kids. Lawl. We're only the second generation. According to Jennifer the (what I consider at least) 4th generation shouldn't really call each other "fam" because they're all so fake to each other. Which is ridiculous. My generation seems to be more bonded just because we just all grew up with each other. It's kinda sad considering that only means staff kids die off at 2nd generation. My sister and her group I consider to be 3rd generation but they've always kinda been a side group of my generation it seems. And if we die they die. I've kinda hated the idea of adding peopel to our staff kids group. Not that we're major elitists or anything but it's just that the bond is there for a reason. Prevents trivial drama. When Kim came in I remember so much crap starting which I thought in general was stupid. I mean me and Phu have fought in the past but usually it goes away super quckly. With Kim it was like weeks of grudges and rumors and whispers. It was just...stupid. With everyone we've always been direct with each other. If I wanted to ask Stephen something I'd just ask him. I wouldn't go around sneaking around.
The 2nd generation of staff kids I consider to be the following people:
Julian Phan
Stephen Phan
Alan Phan
Phu/Linda Nguyen
Lisa Tran
Daniel Nguyen
**Michelle Nguyen (young but she's been in it since the beginning)
**Jennifer Ha (Also young; hasn't been in since the beginning BUT SHOULD HAVE BEEN)
Catalina Vu
*Vivi Vu (Good link to 3rd gen)
Me
Those with Asterisks (*) I consider to be 2nd generation by default but 3rd due to age and how they carry on to the 3rd generation. Those with (**)I think are links to 2nd,3rd, and 4th generation staff kids.
3rd generation I consider to be the following:
Thao Phan
Christine Nguyen
Vivi Vu
Michelle Nguyen
Jennifer Ha
Mary Ann
Brian
Gracie
Daniel (gracie's brother)
Half of these people will grow up to be the older of the 4th generation. I'm probably using generation wrong in this sense...lol but probably because I'm thinking of people intermingling.
By fourth generation it's just so dilluted. None of them are really sons or ddaughters of staff members. Most of them consist of friends of 3rd gen people. I mean should I consider them staff kids then? There ARE sprinkles of staff kids... =/
In a sense I think that it dies off with the 2nd generation. The third gen seems to be closely linked where if we leave they'll leave too. In the sense of how staff kids are at least. Oy. It's probably best this way though. I consider first generation to be my brother and Michal Tu and his sister and Christina. Idk who else...uhh the twin's older brother. OH Cindy. I can't remember anyone else though; too young.
I guess this makes me sad because I kinda wish I could TA or do something to help out the school. Darn work. Grr. Maybe third term I should come in and take 4day classes so I work Fridays and Saturdays and viet school on sundays! :D
Idk. All of this seems so troubling. I owe viet school a loooot! At least for helping me in meeting people. I still remember 4th grade and meeting Phu that year. And I remmeber throwing chalk at her haha. I also remember later on with the slapping incident haha. Anyways yeah. Those are my thoughts. This may just be part one... or not. TIME TO SLEEP. NIGHT. :)
Sunday, December 27, 2009
PHU. AGAIN.
So I had a realization today; call it an epiphany if you will. It was a very strange thunderstruck moment when I was driving home I'll tell you what! I realized that for the first time in a long while...I genuinely miss Phu.
Before I'd say things like "OH I MISS TALKING TO PHU!" every now and then in blogs or when I talk to like Agustin but I could get by! It was easy before knowing that in a couple months or a few weeks I'd see Phu and we'd catch up! But obviously this year is a bit more...different. By different I should probably say difficult lol. ANYWAYS. Today after talking to her on the phone while driving home I realized how much I missed Phu! And Lisa too! Although it's a bit more tolerated with Lisa because I talk to her on AIM quite a bit. WIth Phu it seems to be void of any form of contact. I guess thinking over the years I feel tired of not knowing her in a different sense other than what I know now. Like...I can't imagine her with her friends or at school or as a room-mate. Like...I can't get a sense of how she is other than how I know her. That makes me...curious. I wonder if what I really miss is that sense of knowing her. Grr.
okay BREAK! I'm eating duck right now for the third day in a row. IT'S SO DELICIOUS. But oh so fatty. Like disgustingly fatty. I just barfed some out because the fat-to-meat ratio was like 100:1 :(
OKAY BREAK OUT!
Haha break out sounds like... something a 70's gang would say.
Anyways I feel a little sad that when school starts back up I most likely will not talk to Phu as much. SO SAD. Chances are we'll both be busy and I'll be dependant on her blog to see what she's up to! :/
Something I shuold note is I am actually seeing her from different perspectives. At least I'm starting to. Like I can imagine vividly how Lisa sees her as a room-mate or how a guy just meeting her could see her as attractive or how a fellow school-mate would view her. It's interesting. Maybe it's just one of the yet many signs of how much we've grown up. Oy.
Haha oy. Ron Weasley says "Oy!" :)
I guess that's all for now. Ah! I NEED TO MAKE MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTION BLOG! AIYAAAA!
Good news is my ukelele is coming this week :)
Haha Phu you should feel special. This is the second blog I've done about you! Do you think I should post my super old blogs from like two years ago? xD
Before I'd say things like "OH I MISS TALKING TO PHU!" every now and then in blogs or when I talk to like Agustin but I could get by! It was easy before knowing that in a couple months or a few weeks I'd see Phu and we'd catch up! But obviously this year is a bit more...different. By different I should probably say difficult lol. ANYWAYS. Today after talking to her on the phone while driving home I realized how much I missed Phu! And Lisa too! Although it's a bit more tolerated with Lisa because I talk to her on AIM quite a bit. WIth Phu it seems to be void of any form of contact. I guess thinking over the years I feel tired of not knowing her in a different sense other than what I know now. Like...I can't imagine her with her friends or at school or as a room-mate. Like...I can't get a sense of how she is other than how I know her. That makes me...curious. I wonder if what I really miss is that sense of knowing her. Grr.
okay BREAK! I'm eating duck right now for the third day in a row. IT'S SO DELICIOUS. But oh so fatty. Like disgustingly fatty. I just barfed some out because the fat-to-meat ratio was like 100:1 :(
OKAY BREAK OUT!
Haha break out sounds like... something a 70's gang would say.
Anyways I feel a little sad that when school starts back up I most likely will not talk to Phu as much. SO SAD. Chances are we'll both be busy and I'll be dependant on her blog to see what she's up to! :/
Something I shuold note is I am actually seeing her from different perspectives. At least I'm starting to. Like I can imagine vividly how Lisa sees her as a room-mate or how a guy just meeting her could see her as attractive or how a fellow school-mate would view her. It's interesting. Maybe it's just one of the yet many signs of how much we've grown up. Oy.
Haha oy. Ron Weasley says "Oy!" :)
I guess that's all for now. Ah! I NEED TO MAKE MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTION BLOG! AIYAAAA!
Good news is my ukelele is coming this week :)
Haha Phu you should feel special. This is the second blog I've done about you! Do you think I should post my super old blogs from like two years ago? xD
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
A little update.
So me and one of what I consider my closest friends (His names Keenan) have decided to set up a rewards system for good grades on tests. We've decided that we are only going to go to Mojo Crepes on an occasion given by an A on a test. So if we have 5 classes and there are five midterms five As will give us five chances to go to Mojo Crepes! If we get a C or below then the other must bestow a slap. I belive our chart was something like this:
C = 1 slap
D = 2 slaps
F = 4 slaps
And these can be distributed at any given time from that test until summer time. So they're pretty much similar as the rewards whereas they are:
A = One occasion to go to Mojo Crepes
B = NOTHING. STUDY MORE.
Haha. I think it's going to be lovely if say Keenan gets an A in one class and like two C's. Because then we'll go to Mojo Crepes to celebrate and then I'LL SLAP HIM. Bwahhaa TWICE. I'm pretty excited for this :) Of course I should be scared for myself also...bwhahaha
I also kinda find it sad that we're using food as an incentive for good academic behavior haha. OH! That reminds me I need to work on a goals list. Grr.
PS: YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE BUSY WHEN YOU WEREN'T PHU? :O
That's okay acutally I've done that before a BUNCH of times.
Anyways that's all.
NO IT'S NOT!
TODAY I WAS LATE IN MEETING PHU AT THE LIBRARY! I FEEL HORRRIBLLEEE. So instead I had to go with Agustin, Lisa, and Ashley. Now as of late, I don't really like being around Ashley. Well not that it's just neither Ashley nor I have made any effort to really talk to each other. I mean I've sent her texts and maybe called a couple times in the last month. Usually she replies once with a text and stops there. And I think half the times I've called (twice lol) she's only returned one call..and I think both times I called were to return her calling me...Anyways, I dunno. I never thuoght I'd be sick of her...I mean we stopped talking ever since she got a boyfriend. I dunno maybe her boyfriend got tired of hearing about her hanging out with me. It's not that we hung out actually we just sometimes got coffee during her lunch or something else pretty small. And Despite all this, I actually don't mind. I think we should've treated each other like exes a long time ago. I always thought it was weird when somethign happened between me and her and the next day it wouldn't be awkawrd. Because it SHUOLD be awkward. Having two people meet and both being awkawrd aknowledges that something happened. Not having it awkward is just...ignoring it, at least in our case.
I mean today when she told me she was going to PSU I almsot was a little happy. Then she said she wasn't sure and I was happy then too. Because for some reason I have this little tidbit that when I go to OSU Phu isn't going to have time to talk to me! :( lol. Weird fear huh? And...I used to be close with Ashley. REALLY close. Today was just a little weird going shopping and talking with her. It's like talking to an old friend who used to know you well. You count on what you remember and hope they haven't changed. Anyways. I dunno. This is how it's been between me and her. Something happens. Maybe an argument or some fallingout and we don't talk. We may message each other or maybe start a small AIM conversation but in this perido of time there's minimal contact. And then we start talking again out of nowhere. And it's good talking; we talk and laugh and it's similar to Phu and I actually. I guess though...I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being close to Ashley and then not being close. I remember she had this goal of not pushing me away this year. Hoo boy.
I think I can officially say that for the first time since I've admitted to liking her, I can say that I'm starting to get over her, and let me tell you: It's been a long time since then.
I guess now I just need some time to myself. And a booty call. But mainly the first one haha.
I do feel guilt though. On the ride to picking up Lisa I hardly talked to Ashley. But when Lisa got into the car I started talking and yammering on and on. I guess it's cause I don't know what to say to Ashley. As much as I hate to say it: At this point, she's more my ex than a best friend. Or even a close friend. Which is unfortunate because we did used to be close. Actually close. Oh memory lane. You need some governement funds to clean you up.
What's funny is today she made an old inside joke about us ...uh...ahem "baking". At first I thought it was childish to even still talk about it. But at the same time she made a pretty funny joke haha. I had to laugh! For the future though, I have to learn to keep myself in check. Because if there are chances of us hanging out for a long period of time, I have to be sure to not find the reasons for which I liked her in the first place which I've done a fair amount of times in the past. Her sense of humor I've just always loved. Bah. Curses!
Oh boy this is a long blog. Haha Phu must be so happy!
Also. Today talking to Lisa was totally a good thing. I never have in the past gotten to know her well enough to realize she has her own individual personality and interests and so on. She's quite the neat-o person :)
Ah I hope it snows tomorrow. Then I won't have to go to work :)
C = 1 slap
D = 2 slaps
F = 4 slaps
And these can be distributed at any given time from that test until summer time. So they're pretty much similar as the rewards whereas they are:
A = One occasion to go to Mojo Crepes
B = NOTHING. STUDY MORE.
Haha. I think it's going to be lovely if say Keenan gets an A in one class and like two C's. Because then we'll go to Mojo Crepes to celebrate and then I'LL SLAP HIM. Bwahhaa TWICE. I'm pretty excited for this :) Of course I should be scared for myself also...bwhahaha
I also kinda find it sad that we're using food as an incentive for good academic behavior haha. OH! That reminds me I need to work on a goals list. Grr.
PS: YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE BUSY WHEN YOU WEREN'T PHU? :O
That's okay acutally I've done that before a BUNCH of times.
Anyways that's all.
NO IT'S NOT!
TODAY I WAS LATE IN MEETING PHU AT THE LIBRARY! I FEEL HORRRIBLLEEE. So instead I had to go with Agustin, Lisa, and Ashley. Now as of late, I don't really like being around Ashley. Well not that it's just neither Ashley nor I have made any effort to really talk to each other. I mean I've sent her texts and maybe called a couple times in the last month. Usually she replies once with a text and stops there. And I think half the times I've called (twice lol) she's only returned one call..and I think both times I called were to return her calling me...Anyways, I dunno. I never thuoght I'd be sick of her...I mean we stopped talking ever since she got a boyfriend. I dunno maybe her boyfriend got tired of hearing about her hanging out with me. It's not that we hung out actually we just sometimes got coffee during her lunch or something else pretty small. And Despite all this, I actually don't mind. I think we should've treated each other like exes a long time ago. I always thought it was weird when somethign happened between me and her and the next day it wouldn't be awkawrd. Because it SHUOLD be awkward. Having two people meet and both being awkawrd aknowledges that something happened. Not having it awkward is just...ignoring it, at least in our case.
I mean today when she told me she was going to PSU I almsot was a little happy. Then she said she wasn't sure and I was happy then too. Because for some reason I have this little tidbit that when I go to OSU Phu isn't going to have time to talk to me! :( lol. Weird fear huh? And...I used to be close with Ashley. REALLY close. Today was just a little weird going shopping and talking with her. It's like talking to an old friend who used to know you well. You count on what you remember and hope they haven't changed. Anyways. I dunno. This is how it's been between me and her. Something happens. Maybe an argument or some fallingout and we don't talk. We may message each other or maybe start a small AIM conversation but in this perido of time there's minimal contact. And then we start talking again out of nowhere. And it's good talking; we talk and laugh and it's similar to Phu and I actually. I guess though...I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being close to Ashley and then not being close. I remember she had this goal of not pushing me away this year. Hoo boy.
I think I can officially say that for the first time since I've admitted to liking her, I can say that I'm starting to get over her, and let me tell you: It's been a long time since then.
I guess now I just need some time to myself. And a booty call. But mainly the first one haha.
I do feel guilt though. On the ride to picking up Lisa I hardly talked to Ashley. But when Lisa got into the car I started talking and yammering on and on. I guess it's cause I don't know what to say to Ashley. As much as I hate to say it: At this point, she's more my ex than a best friend. Or even a close friend. Which is unfortunate because we did used to be close. Actually close. Oh memory lane. You need some governement funds to clean you up.
What's funny is today she made an old inside joke about us ...uh...ahem "baking". At first I thought it was childish to even still talk about it. But at the same time she made a pretty funny joke haha. I had to laugh! For the future though, I have to learn to keep myself in check. Because if there are chances of us hanging out for a long period of time, I have to be sure to not find the reasons for which I liked her in the first place which I've done a fair amount of times in the past. Her sense of humor I've just always loved. Bah. Curses!
Oh boy this is a long blog. Haha Phu must be so happy!
Also. Today talking to Lisa was totally a good thing. I never have in the past gotten to know her well enough to realize she has her own individual personality and interests and so on. She's quite the neat-o person :)
Ah I hope it snows tomorrow. Then I won't have to go to work :)
Sunday, December 20, 2009
PHU!
Yesterday I saw Phu! And Cat! At Mary-Ann's house! It was quite interesting. I think yesterday I talked to Phu for roughly 3-4 hours. This alone was probably more than I've talked to her in the last...year! Which is ridiculous.
So some background info! Catalina is my cousin. Probably my closest cousin. Scratch that. SHE IS my closest cousin. Phu is the friend I've known the longest out of anyone else. If I remember right I've known her for about 10 years; give or take a year...or two...
In hindsight, so much has happened to the little girl with enough girl-balls to slap a cocky stupid kid. Crazily enough, even back then I knew Phu would soar right past me. The thing is though, I don't think I should have made that observation so early. I think looking back on the last 4 or 5 years of my academic career, there's been a lot of regret. A LOT. But on the other hand there's been a lot more... perspective growth than I thought I'd ever receive. ANYWAYS. I've probably been close to an academic failure. Well maybe not a FAILURE. But at least not too pretty. And I think had I put more effort back then I'd at least be on the same footing with Phu. But it's like that quote Phu sent me not too long ago: "The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now." I must have said that I would "plant" a tree so many times now. Really most of it was a bunch of bullshit. By comparison, every time I said that was really just a step towards picking up a seed :P
Back to last night. Sorry for the random tangents.
We talked a lot about college. And food...BUT MAINLY ACADEMICS! Along with pooploads of jokes. It reminded me of Agustin and his visit to Lisa's on Thanksgiving.
TANGENT: Agustin went to Lisa's thanksgiving party and had this mini epiphany. He then told me the next day to start focusing on school and to get over Ashley. I called him an asshole and...I don't remember what happened after that...haha But I remember it wasn't like a huge insult or anything, just a surprise statement.
Something that I had gotten from my cousin Cat and Phu was basically that I was this guy who had a lot of potential...and at my current standpoint, I am not using any of it. At one point I was talking about a drug called hydroxyurea. And how fascinated I was with the way it's used to force viruses into basically commiting suicide. Phu gave me a face I had never seen before. It was a "I'm confused" and an "Unbelievable..." look. Phu basically couldn't believe that I was so excited and seemingly so passionate about something and yet...I'm doing nothing about this built-up excitement. That's when I thought to myself "What AM I doing?" I've basically been slacking off since...well let's say a long while. Can I pick myself up in time? I actually should start being more assertive and start donig some research on my major and really what I want to do in the future. It's a nice wake-up call, especially coming from Phu.
Even though she can be a tad crazy sometimes, her opinion does matter to me even though I tend to shrug it off. I MISS PHU! I need to see her more often; it seems like we're always laughing when we see each other. Usually we don't talk for a while and then we catch up and laugh and the process repeats. I don't think this is going to work anymore though. It's gotten to the point where we're too far away from each other. And we hardly call each other. Makes me sad to think about it...but then again I'll probaly see her a lot when I go to OSU. Just now it seems so.. I dunno the word...let's say bare bones.
It's funky; I remember when me and Phu referred to each other as best friends. I actually don't think we are. Maybe at one point we were best friends, maybe not. I mean chances are if Phu was in Portland alone and was in need of a ride I probably wouldn't be the first person she'd call. Or the second or the third. Of course that just may be out of convenience. I think I really do want to get to know Phu though. So one of my goals is to start talking to Phu more! And taking time to see her!
Ahh. So late to be planting a seed. Regret fills me. But I guess it's better late than never.
So some background info! Catalina is my cousin. Probably my closest cousin. Scratch that. SHE IS my closest cousin. Phu is the friend I've known the longest out of anyone else. If I remember right I've known her for about 10 years; give or take a year...or two...
In hindsight, so much has happened to the little girl with enough girl-balls to slap a cocky stupid kid. Crazily enough, even back then I knew Phu would soar right past me. The thing is though, I don't think I should have made that observation so early. I think looking back on the last 4 or 5 years of my academic career, there's been a lot of regret. A LOT. But on the other hand there's been a lot more... perspective growth than I thought I'd ever receive. ANYWAYS. I've probably been close to an academic failure. Well maybe not a FAILURE. But at least not too pretty. And I think had I put more effort back then I'd at least be on the same footing with Phu. But it's like that quote Phu sent me not too long ago: "The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now." I must have said that I would "plant" a tree so many times now. Really most of it was a bunch of bullshit. By comparison, every time I said that was really just a step towards picking up a seed :P
Back to last night. Sorry for the random tangents.
We talked a lot about college. And food...BUT MAINLY ACADEMICS! Along with pooploads of jokes. It reminded me of Agustin and his visit to Lisa's on Thanksgiving.
TANGENT: Agustin went to Lisa's thanksgiving party and had this mini epiphany. He then told me the next day to start focusing on school and to get over Ashley. I called him an asshole and...I don't remember what happened after that...haha But I remember it wasn't like a huge insult or anything, just a surprise statement.
Something that I had gotten from my cousin Cat and Phu was basically that I was this guy who had a lot of potential...and at my current standpoint, I am not using any of it. At one point I was talking about a drug called hydroxyurea. And how fascinated I was with the way it's used to force viruses into basically commiting suicide. Phu gave me a face I had never seen before. It was a "I'm confused" and an "Unbelievable..." look. Phu basically couldn't believe that I was so excited and seemingly so passionate about something and yet...I'm doing nothing about this built-up excitement. That's when I thought to myself "What AM I doing?" I've basically been slacking off since...well let's say a long while. Can I pick myself up in time? I actually should start being more assertive and start donig some research on my major and really what I want to do in the future. It's a nice wake-up call, especially coming from Phu.
Even though she can be a tad crazy sometimes, her opinion does matter to me even though I tend to shrug it off. I MISS PHU! I need to see her more often; it seems like we're always laughing when we see each other. Usually we don't talk for a while and then we catch up and laugh and the process repeats. I don't think this is going to work anymore though. It's gotten to the point where we're too far away from each other. And we hardly call each other. Makes me sad to think about it...but then again I'll probaly see her a lot when I go to OSU. Just now it seems so.. I dunno the word...let's say bare bones.
It's funky; I remember when me and Phu referred to each other as best friends. I actually don't think we are. Maybe at one point we were best friends, maybe not. I mean chances are if Phu was in Portland alone and was in need of a ride I probably wouldn't be the first person she'd call. Or the second or the third. Of course that just may be out of convenience. I think I really do want to get to know Phu though. So one of my goals is to start talking to Phu more! And taking time to see her!
Ahh. So late to be planting a seed. Regret fills me. But I guess it's better late than never.
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